Always Have, Always Will
by American Fantasy
Summary: Voyager has been lost in the Delta Quadrant for five years when Kathryn discovers one night that her feelings towards Chakotay are more than just platonic. Whilst on shore leave Kathryn finally tells Chakotay how she feels about him, but is she too late?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**I_'m back =) I just can't get enough of J/C! This is another two part story, purely because the length of these stories end up being ridculously long it's so much better reading them in two parts._

_Janeways hair is still long like it was in the earlier seasons because I have only seen the first 3 seasons so far, so this is how I am accustomed to seeing her like._

* * *

><p>Captain Kathryn Janeway had always been known to be rather stoical. Five years had passed since the Caretaker had brought them 70,000 light years away from home and it had since turned out to be a long and arduous journey to the Alpha Quadrant, one which they faced many challenges and overbearing obstacles, but still somehow they always managed to come through it in the end. Yes, they may have lost a few crew members along the way, but they remained strong and the Captain was the embodiment of just that...or so everyone thought.<p>

Captain Janeway was the most reserved crew member of them all, she had a duty to serve and everyone knew and accepted that, but they all silently wished that she could be happy. Everyone aboard could sense that she was lonely, but Kathryn knew before she took her captaincy that, 'the life of a Captain is a lonely one,' but never did she realize just how very true it actually was. She now had to practice that belief at great cost to herself. Mark was no longer a possibility to arrive home to whenever or if ever they reach Earth, he had long moved on and in a way, so had she. Being the Captain had its privileges but it also had a downside, when considering by rank, you are superior to everyone crew member. Having friends was not something that Kathryn generally could have as freely as others could, though she would never say it aloud, she was secretly envious of her crew in that respect. It had been five long years and she was just realizing the genuine possibility that despite their efforts and her faith in her crew, they might _never _get home. Kathryn was quite possibly going to spend the rest of her life in the Delta Quadrant...alone.

It had always been Captain first and Kathryn second, but she had to admit that Kathryn was slowly slipping away after each passing day. Too many long nights, reports, crisises, crew to support and a ship to maintain, there was no room for much of a personal life anymore, if she ever had one to begin with, she couldn't ever remember the last time it was when she had any shore leave; suffice it to say, it had been that long.

Every once in a while she thought back to her first officer. How she thought that without him, she would have never made it this far. He was always there by her side, generously trying to shoulder some of the burden that she carried, ensuring that she eat a meal when she had been too preoccupied to even think about food or just give her a comforting smile every morning, which brightened up her day no matter what situation they were in. She had missed the close friendship they had, and even admitted sadly to herself the regret of not pursuing what was so close to happening on New Earth. She thought back to the memory again, he had opened his heart out to her and admitted feelings that she was shocked to know he had for her, it hadn't stopped there though, many occasions after, he had been right beside her again, discreetly loving her. She told herself that it wasn't a possibilty to explore any romantic feelings between them, because she had an obligation to her ship and to her crew and he respected that, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. She knew she had feelings towards him also, but she wasn't sure what they precisely were.

This was the situation she found herself in everyday..."and that's how it should be, Kathryn," she told herself bringing herself out of her thoughts, stepping off the turbolift and entering the bridge to begin her morning shift, yet another day as the Captain.

* * *

><p>A few days later,<p>

One afternoon, Kathryn found herself working late yet again. Two hours after her duty shift had ended, Chakotay headed into her ready room like the good First Officer that he was, to hand her his reports for the day, as he came to the end his shift.

"Thank you, Commander," she took the PADD from him, barely looking up from the data on the monitor that she was staring meticulously at, whilst she took a sip of coffee which she cradled in her other hand. _Always the same ol'e Kathryn_, Chakotay thought, _working well past her duty shift._

She finally looked up realizing that he wasn't leave, "Is there something else?" she questioned.

"Actually yes there is, Tom's set up a pool tournament tonight on the holodeck and we were all hoping you would join us? It wouldn't be a fair game without our reigning champ," he smiled.

"Thank you, but i'm afraid I can't tonight, i'm far too busy," she settled her focus again on the monitor before her.

Chakotay sighed heavily, "There's a _reason_ I put an ending time on your duty shift, you know," his voice this time was not so calm but one out of concern, she just looked at him tiredly.

He paused for a moment, his hands clutched behind his back as he spoke, "Captain...you've been working too hard recently, you never appear on the bridge anymore, you have hardly used any of your holodeck time in months," her surprised look said it all, "Yes I know about that, we all do. You also haven't taken any shore leave in quite a while and quite frankly...as a friend, i'm worried about you," he ended conclusively.

Kathryn raised her eyebrows quizzically in suspicion as to where he was trying to go with this. Why was it that Chakotay was always the one to pick her up when she at times overworked herself? There was no doubt about it, he could see right through her and had certainly pointed it out to her a few times in the past, but this time it felt different, as though he was concerned for her on an entirely different level.

"Chakotay..." she said softly, turning off the screen of her monitor, looking at him into his deep brown eyes that once confessed his love for her, long ago. She could see the truth behind his words, she pinched the bridge of her nose and leant back on her chair, "Okay, fine, i'll go."

Chakotay smirked very smugly, having won the battle against the work obsessed captain, "Good, 1900, holodeck 1," he said swiftly turning to leave before she could take back her decision.

"I'll be there," Kathryn sighed, rubbing a hand tiredly down her brow, noting the the giddy expression on his face as he left, a small smile crept onto her face at this, but now looking in front of her at the stacks of PADDs she had piled on her desk, she frowned and wondered for a moment whether her decision to go to the holodeck with the crew that night was the right one, then she remembered the look on Chakotays face when she accepted his invitation and she knew that she had. She got up from behind her desk, walking across her ready room to recycle her now empty coffee cup, then for the first time that day, she took a break and sat down on her couch, taking a moment to gaze out into the stars, trying to figure out that perhaps it was about time that she better managed the separation between the double life she seemed to be living.

* * *

><p>Later that Night,<p>

The Captain true to her word had arrived on the holodeck to much of everyones surprise. Tom and Chakotay appeared to be finishing a game off together.

"Captain," Chakotay exclaimed he turned around seeing her enter.

Kathryn gave him an amused look, "Don't look so surprised, Commander."

"Come on Captain, it's time we settled this once and for all," Tom implied very self assured.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms very Captain like across her chest, "You're on, Mr Paris."

"Brilliant, let's start shall we?" he said smugly, turning to Chakotay, "Commander, your stick!" he teased, which caused a fit of giggles to travel across the holodeck, the crew looked nervously away as they saw the displeased expression on the Captains face...if looks could kill, that would be it.

Kathryn tried not to look too embarrassed by the past remark she had made a few years ago at the start of their voyage, but secretly it was burning inside of her, she could have sworn if she hadn't learnt to manage her external feeling so well over these past few years, her cheeks would be as red as her command uniform.

After winning the round against Tom, much to his disappointment, she played a round with Chakotay who was thankfully and surprisingly more of a challenge than Tom was, and she liked that about him.

However things were not the same again for this round, a very unusual feeling swept over Kathryn, as she suddenly became flustered by Chakotays very presence, she even tried to hide a sudden jolt when his fingers brushed lightly over hers as she passed the pool cue over to him, by the time it came to her turn she had almost lost her cool, but when she went to hit the ball she quickly regained composure and sank the ball perfectly into the socket, if there was anyone who could work under such pressure it was her.

The feelings nonetheless kept manifesting themselves throughout the game and Kathryn tried in all earnest to keep them at bay, but every move he made, every smile and laugh only made her heart feel weak, she had to get out of there fast. After the tournament had ended, Kathryn had successfully managed to keep a hold of her title and when she had done so she quickly retired to her quarters for the night instead of staying to have a drink with the others, claiming that she was 'tired' which no one could really argue with, but they knew that it wasn't due to that and they watched with curiousity as she departed Sandrine's, leaving behind an aura of oddness.

"Is she alright?" Tom asked worriedly, leaning into Chakotay's shoulder.

"She fine, like the Captain said, she's just tired, you try being in her shoes!" he snapped at him defensively.

"Okay, don't need to tell me twice," Tom backed away, but before doing so he caught a glimpse of worry on his face. Poor Chakotay, he never was an expert at concealing his emotions, the man wore his love for her everywhere he went, clearly visible to all. _If only she felt the same way_, Tom sighed.

* * *

><p>One week later,<p>

"Captains log- We have come across a hospitable planet, home to a race called the Tilechans, they had kindly granted the crew some much needed shore leave upon their planet for a few days while we have traded medical supplies for dilithium, which they are by no means short of. The ambassador has organized a farewell party as Voyager prepares to depart in the morning. The planet strikes a remarkable resemblance to Earth, I must admit that it has been a long time since the crew and myself have felt so close to home, there is something about this visit that will make it undoubtedly hard to return back to our journey."

That night after the main festivities of the party had died down, Kathryn sat alone at the bar, subtly watching over her crew like a mother would watch over her children. She watched as her crew mingled with the Tilechans, more particularly she watched a certain tan skinned man, talking with Tom and B'Elanna. Kathryn watched him vigilantly, secretly eying him over the brim of her scotch, normally she wouldn't drink such hard liquor, but today she needed the added comfort that the effects of the alcohol provided her with. For one whole and endless week she had been battling a raging war inside of her, all because of one man, Chakotay. Kathryn was at a crossroad, unsure about whether or not she could admit her feelings to herself, let alone Chakotay, but ever since the pool tournament Kathryn could not help but think about nothing but Chakotay, and not in a First Officer capacity. It was beginning to affect her tremendously, she shook her head defeatedly, even she couldn't hide behind her Captain's mask forever. She may have had feelings towards Chakotay in the past, but up until now she hadn't realized the full extent of those feelings, where she realized that in all honesty, she flat out _loved_ that man. Mark was long gone, the Alpha Quadrant was still a distant journey, she hadn't been able to accept that until now. She was alone in the Delta Quadrant and she loved her First Officer, what a predicament she had gotten herself into.

Chakotay knew that Kathryn had been acting strangely all week, being distant and uncommunicative to all the crew, but most especially to him, and he wasn't buying her usual 'i'm just busy Commander' excuse. No, he had said it many times before, Chakotay knew Kathryn, this was something different; it was as though she had something on her mind but couldn't say it.

Kathryn took a last swig of her scotch, setting the now empty glass down and headed out of the bar. Unbeknownst to her, Chakotay had been well aware of the fact that Kathryn had been watching him from the bar, no matter how discreet she may have tried to be. She didn't join in with any of the senior officers like she would normally do, but instead chose to isolate herself, yet another sign of her off-putting behavior. Yes, something was definitely wrong, he had given Kathryn time to work out her problems on her own that week. Kathryn was a solitary woman by nature on the ship, but enough was enough. When he saw that Kathryn had left from his peripheral vision he took a more obvious look in the direction of the bar, indeed she was no longer there, he finally decided that this was the perfect time to confront her, she was still on shore leave for a few more hours, none of them were confined to the parameters of their professional duty at this point, there was no escaping from it this time, no way but up.

Chakotay politely excused himself from his conversation with Tom and B'Elanna, whom he left looking perplexedly at each other by his sudden departure. He headed in the direction behind the bar and outside where he caught a glimpse of Kathryn in the distance strolling by herself along the sandy beach, he jogged across the beach catching up with her, she had a serene daze on her face, as though she was in deep thought, but she quickly snapped out of it when she saw Chakotay appear by her side, her expression turned to an almost panicked look, before she shook it away and replaced it with a professional look, one that she would never usually reserve for Chakotay, given that their relationship extended the parameters of any other crew member. He noticed this look and tried to retain an appropriate distance from her until he was sure that she wasn't uncomfortable.

Kathryn wore a light pale blue sundress, it hugged her curves modestly, neither showing too much nor too little, and fell to a appropriate length just above her knees which was held up by two thin spaghetti straps that showed off her flawless shoulders. Her long beautiful hair whipped lightly in the gentle breeze, skimming against her porcelain shoulders and cascading softly down her back. Kathryn seldom wore her hair down now days, usually only reserving such freedom for when she was not aboard _Voyager_, for unofficial business or pleasure which was so rare these days. The image before Chakotay was enough to cause his heart to stop just for a moment, because each time he saw her like this, her beauty and femininity caught him by surprise. At that point it was clear to him that she wasn't the Captain, but Kathryn, the women he had shared those precious weeks on New Earth with; the women he fell in love with back then.

Kathryn hadn't felt more at peace in a long time by being on this planet that so reminded her of home, but yet her heart was still heavy with such longing that she had denied herself of all these years, a longing that could not come from the comfort that Earth provided, the only thing she truly wanted at this point, was right beside her...

"Leaving the party so soon?" Chakotay finally spoke, taking her from her thoughts.

She tried to respond casually as to not give away her obvious heartache, "I guess i'm just not in the party mood, that's all," she shrugged.

Noticing that there was more than something up with her, he continued," Mind if I walk with you?"

She gave a simple head shake in response, still looking miles ahead of her, the two of them walked down the beach together, there was nothing ahead of them, just the beautiful sandy image of the beach which on the left separated into bush life that spanned into a high risen forest, which at the far distance met a cliff. The views were spectacular, the sky was not the same blue that Earth had, rather it was in a constant state of an orangey sunset spectrum despite it being only late afternoon, the nights were neither dark either but a more richer velvet red that casted a shaded glow over the planet that gave it an amorous sembalance.

They continued to walk for a few minutes along the beach in a comfortable silence, but after a few minutes had passed the wind began to pick up and Chakotay noticed Kathryn cross her arms over her chest, her hands rested on her forearms, sheltering them from the slight chill that the wind brought with it, she shivered slightly as another breeze blew over her exposed skin, but quickly ran a hand through her hair to try and hide it but it was already too late, Chakotay without a second thought took his coat off and drapped it gently over her shoulders.

She looked at him in the eyes for the first time since they began their walk together, her dainty lips curled into small smile of gratitude, "Thanks," she said in a soft voice that he hadn't heard in a long time, feeling the warmth that the coat provided.

Chakotay smiled back in return, he had taken his position a little closer to her now and slightly behind her in the subconscious male protective manner he had always been accustomed to. Taking a deep breath trying to pluck up the courage, he finally let it out with as much sincerity that he could manage.

"Kathryn, you've been acting strangely all week."

They continued Strolling casually across the beach, she was well aware of what Chakotay had just said, it wasn't a question in a literary sense, but she knew that it was one that implied an answer at the end.

Kathryn's name was rarely uttered aboard _Voyager,_ in fact she would only usually hear it when she uttered it herself when making first contact. Chakotay was the only one afforded the liberty to call her by her first name, given what transpired between the two of them on New Earth and her insistence to call her by her name rather than her rank title, but even now it still caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach, as memories flashed in her head of a time much simpler than their present situation, a time where there were no alien threats, no crew to manage nothing but one man and one woman. Kathryn suddenly stopped walking and stood in her tracks, her hair now blowing freely in the breeze across her face, she couldn't keep these feelings harbored away forever, they were infesting her every thought.

She sighed, pulling a tendril of hair behind her ear and looked at him with her blue eyes shining into his deep brown ones. For once Chakotay could see an obvious difference, she appeared to be relaxed, well...as much as Kathryn could ever be, her sanctimonious stance was gone, it was just her, just Kathryn.

"I know, Chakotay..." she said, her head dropping almost defeatedly, unable to look him in the eyes anymore.

"Then what is it?" he responded gently, tilting her chin up so that she was looking at him and not at the sand bellow her.

When their eyes met again she once again saw the worried look in his eyes, a sign that he cared for her. She moved her face away from his touch, a hand went to the back of her neck as she rubbed it, trying to contemplate how she was going to start the speech that she had been so longing to say.

"I can't lie anymore..." her voice was almost at breaking point, but she kept it steady, "Not to myself or to you, Chakotay. It's been 5 years...5 years stuck in the Delta Quadrant because of me and _my_ decision; It's one that I can never take back, nor would I ever do had I been given the chance again." She paused leaving time to collect her words, the silence was deafening. "But I do have a choice, one that I have been denying myself of for too long...and I know I don't deserve to even say this to you now, because God knows you have tried in the past...Chakotay, there's no other way say it, other than, I..." her words almost escaped her, but she finally found her voice, "I love you."

It hit him like a ship hit an iceburg and there was a elongated silence. Chakotay had accepted long ago that Kathryn was never going to have a relationship with him out here in the Delta Quadrant, and return those feelings he so evidently felt for her. He always loved her, and cared for her immensely, but at this moment all he felt was caught off guard. He had spent years trying to bury the hatchet, bury those feelings deep down, only for Kathryn now wanting them to be resurfaced. He knew that she had the potential to hurt him again like she had done so in the past, whats to say that this was any different now? But yet again, Kathryn had never admitted her feelings so openly to him before. Chakotay was downright confused, so many things were running through his head, he honestly was at a loss for words, then finally he sighed and looked back at her. She looked terrified, like a fragile piece of china.

"Kathryn...I..." he said slowly fumbling his words. His tone of voice was low with an undertone of sadness, she could sense it coming, but he couldn't finish, he couldn't find the rest of the words to his sentence.

For a few moments Chakotay just stood there like an ass, just blinking and looking at her with utter confusion plastered on his face. Kathryn's eyes began to glisten with moisture, a few stray tears made themself known to him as they fell from her eyes, trickling lightly down her cheeks, _I'm too late _she thought. She simply noded in understandment, taking this as a sign of rejection. Very slowly she slipped the coat off her shoulders and took a step forward closing the gap between them and pushed the coat to his chest, which he gripped. They locked eyes for a final moment, her eyes still in a pool of newly unshed tears, she then turned promptly and ran away into the bush life, a hand covering her mouth to silence her cries as she retreated from a heartbreaking situation in a very uncaptain like manner.

Chakotay was too stunned about what had just occurred in the past few minutes that he just watched the woman he couldn't admit to at that time, but still loved, run away in utter rejection.

"Idiot!" he chided himself angrily, kicking the sand beneath his feet, picking up a rock and throwing it as far as it would go, until it landed into the sea. He sat down and rubbed his forehead in frustration, hanging his head low between his knees. There was no doubt about it, _of course_ he loved her, how had he just failed her like that? It took a lot for Kathryn to admit that to him, he could tell. It wasn't as easy for her as it was for him, forgetting the tremendous burden she has to carry with her throughout their entire journey. At the end of the day, he was the First Officer and she was the Captain, there could be no comparison to her dedication and committment to her job to any other member on the ship, he had said that in not so many words to Tom the other week, trust him to forget his own counsel. He had never known her to run away from anything, given the choice, she always chose to fight and confront no matter what, which was what disturbed him even more about her retreat.

Chakotay could handle hurt, but Kathryn had just about too much hurt in her life, she couldn't handle it like Chakotay could, despite her best efforts to be strong. He had really hurt her this time and what pained him the most, was the fact that this time it was different, he hadn't hurt the Captain, he had hurt Kathryn.

Kathryn was due back on Voyager in about four hours, hopefully by then she would be calm enough to be able to hear him out. He had really screwed up, remembering the tears the fell from her eyes, for she rarely cried, but for the time being he decided that the best thing to do was to allow her some space, he owed her that much.

* * *

><p>Kathryn Janeway was in excellent physical form, athletic and lean, she had even on occasion given Chakotay a run for his money at Hoverball. She ran just as far as her feet could carry her before she finally gave in and collapsed to her knees on the solid dirt ground in a clearing. She had never done anything so perilious, putting her heart out on the firing line only to have it shot to pieces. Her sobs and cries tore through her, how could she go back and face him? face the crew and go on pretending that she was the heart and soul of <em>Voyager,<em> when all she felt at this moment was unspeakably empty.

She sat on the cold the forest floor, letting the tears pour freely from her eyes and let every thought and emotion run through her until she could cry no longer and simply let the silence speak for her. Eventually she pulled herself together with enough strength she could muster to stand up though however shaky her legs felt. She wipped the tears that had dried across her cheeks away and tried to regain her vision again, once her eyes had cleared up. Then just as she did so, she looked around at her surroundings and finally realized just how lost she was. She had been gone for more than an hour she could only presume, this gave her plently of time to get lost, nothing was familiar to her, the trees all looked the same, there was no form of path where she had run just a vast expanse of trees and bush life.

Kathryn headed down the slight slope of the hill, until the clearing widened further around to reveal the edge of the cliff she had seen in the distance that day. She honestly didn't think she had come so far, but in her state of despair she had done just that. She was miles away, certainly far from the main village area, if she wasn't so upset she would be rather impressed with herself.

A cold breeze blew past, she took a deep breath, she couldn't stay there forever, what choice did she have? She had to be back on _Voyage_r in roughly two hours, who knows how long it would take her to get back. She continued to walked further down the slope on the hill until some sort of pathway made itself known to her, she had two choices, one was a little precarious by its slippery dry dirt and loose gravel rocks, the slope was slanted quite steeply where as the other followed a more greener, forest approach down a winding trail that looked as though it could stretch on for some distance.

It wasn't a hard choice for her, the alien who had impersonated her father all those years ago had been right, "If there was a rocky path and a smooth one, you chose the rocky one every time."

She hadn't anticipated the strong winds that had inevitably picked up more after her decent down the side of the cliff, they became more harsher and stronger with every passing minute, making Kathryn's balance unsteady. She almost reached the flat surface that lead into the bush life, when a gusty wind forced Kathryn too close to the edge of the narrow path, she suddenly felt it crumble beneath her, she tried to grab a hold of something, anything, but that too went with her as she found herself plummeting into a rocky pit several feet bellow her, hitting the ground with a hard thump. The rocks from the cliff face crumbled down on top of Kathryn, pinning her legs beneath them, a trickle of red blood ran down her face from the side of her brow, a vision of blurriness was all she saw until that vision became overtaken by black emptiness.

To be continued...

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><p><em>I'm going to leave you with a cliffhanger...so R&amp;R and i'll post the last chapter up when I'm done with it.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _So sorry about the wait! End of summer, back to college. Enough said._

* * *

><p>After Chakotay irrefutably rejected Kathryn Janeway, he walked very sullenly to the bar where Kathryn had just been and emulated her moment of solitude, but this time sitting alone at the furtherest darkest corner of the bar, so he was sure to not get disturbed. Ordering a double whiskey Chakotay felt the hard liquor pour icily down his throat into the emptiness that was him. Alcohol wasn't going to solve his problem and he knew it, so for three hours, Chakotay sat there in a desolate state, swishing the whiskey in his glass around peering into the depths of the golden liquid, as if appearing to seek some answer within it.<p>

"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay," the sudden emotionless voice through his comm badge brought him out of his ponderous state.

He sat his glass down on the table and ran a hand over his face, right now he didn't feel like much of a Commander, after all he had just disappointed the Captain greatly. Chakotay sighed responding with no enthusiasm inked in his voice.

"Go ahead."

"Commander, have you seen the Captain?"

There was a short pause as Chakotay struggled to answer calmly, "Not recently."

"Captain Janeway was due back on voyager at 1800 for a Tactical meeting, I have tried contacting her, but our sensors are not detecting her comm signal."

There was a long deafening silence over the comm line, Tuvok without so much as raising an eyebrow on his expressionless face, inquired again as Chakotay failed to respond, "Commander?"

Chakotay tried to collect his words before treading down a most delicate topic.

"I..." he started out slowly, "I haven't seen her for hours, but when I last talked to her, we had a somewhat...misunderstanding, she was upset, she...she ran off, but she was wearing her comm badge that i'm certain of..." he sighed and mumbled, "...Perhaps she does not want to be found."

"I have known Captain Janeway for many years, and one thing I am certain of is that the Captain would never abandon her duties to _Voyager_, even if I am to understand this situation correctly, is over a personal matter. This is most unlike her."

_What have you done? _Chakotay chided himself. Tuvok was right, this was definitely most unlike Kathryn, a woman with feelings nonetheless, but she was first and foremost the Captain. She wasn't as invincible as she led on, he must really have stuck a knife into her this time. He stood up gulfed down the last of his whiskey in one gulp and strided out of the bar.

"I'll find her Tuvok, Chakotay out."

* * *

><p>Half an hour later,<p>

After talking to the few crew members still ashore, badgering every ensign and crewman in the vacinity about whether they had seen Captain Janeway, a bad feeling sunk very deeply in the pit of Chakotay's stomach.

Just then the maquis and his close friend, B'Elanna rounded the corner of the populated village.

"Chakotay, why are you asking every ensign and crewman if they've seen Captain Janeway?" joking somewhat.

"Not now, B'Elanna I need to..." he sounded like he was about to spill everything to her, but he shook it off, carrying on, walking past her hurriedly.

He sounded very serious and B'Elanna's smile vanished quickly, realizing that this was no odd rumor that she had been hearing from the crew.

"Need to what?" she yelled out, jogging to catch up with him, "Chakotay!"

He turned around suddenly to face her looking down, unable to look her in the eyes, in fear that he would fall apart.

"B'Elanna, Kathryn hasn't shown up on _Voyager_ for hours, and no one can contact her..." he opened his mouth about to spill to B'Elanna the truth about what happened between them, but he couldn't admit it out loud, he was ashamed at the very thought of it.

B'Elanna could sense the tone of regret and pain in his voice, something was worrying him and not just in a professional capacity but a deeply personal one.

"Chakotay..." she gripped his forearm comfortingly with her hand, forcing eye contact with him, "What happened between you two?"

He blinked, letting the question sink in for a few moments before responding, "I just..." he faltered and sighed rather disappointedly at himself, "...B'Elanna we have to find her...I _really_ screwed up this time."

She could tell by the way he looked and sounded that something serious _had_ happened between them, she lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, she didn't know what happened between them but if Chakotay's sad puppy dog face was any indication she would leave it for now and simply help her poor friend.

"Okay, we'll find her," she assured him, "Torres, to the bridge," she tapped her comm badge.

"Yes, Lieutenant," Tuvok's voice came through clearly.

"Send a security team down to the planet...to find Captain Janeway."

"Understood."

Chakotay gave B'Elanna a weak smile, and a greatful nod, "Thanks," he whispered as she ran a comforting hand up and down his arm, and headed off to meet up with Tuvok and the security team, while Chakotay took off down the beach heading in the direction of the painful spot where he had last seen Kathryn.

* * *

><p>10 minutes later,<p>

After convening with the security team, B'Elanna, Tom Tuvok to name a few could be seen walking towards him. Chakotay could already sense the smug grin on Harry's face, no doubt proudly taking command of the bridge.

"Commander," Tuvok approached acknowledging Chakotay.

He gave a nod and pointed towards to his side, at the lush green vastness ahead of him,"I last saw the Captain heading in this direction."

"Through the shrubs...May I ask why?" Tom inquired, suspiciously.

Chakotay snapped, "Look, I don't have time to explain right now!"

"Okay..." he backed off, "B'Elanna and I will take the West side."

Likewise Tuvok replied, "My team will take the South."

Chakotay had no clue or any indication about where she may be, but if he knew Kathryn Janeway, she wasn't the type of person to make things easy for herself or do things the easy way. He had more of a chance finding her by going in the direction of the most arduous path.

"I'll take the North."

"Keep an open comm link," Tuvok lastly instructed, before they each parted, with their hopes.

* * *

><p>40 mins later,<p>

They were still no closer to finding Kathryn than they had been when they split from each other. This was getting ridiculous, Chakotay thought as he plowed through the bushes and plant life for the thousandth time. Everything looked the same, he felt like he was getting no where.

A spot of rain landed delicately on Chakotay's shoulder as a pre-warning for the pour to come. He looked to the sky and saw the dark crimson colored clouds that began to form, sending dark shadows across the planet, but yet still light enough for everything to be visible. If it wasn't for the nature of this planet, it would be long dark by now, after all it was now quite late into the evening.

No sooner did the first spot of rain appear, did the the pour that began to follow it, as rain drops began falling heavily on him.

"Great," he mumbled angrily to himself.

"Kathryn!" he yelled once more.

He had gone quite a distance in search for her. According to the thinner altitude, Chakotay could only presume that he had now reached the top of the cliff. He walked over to the edge to the cliff outlined by a row of palm like trees, and clung on to one for support. He peered down below it to find the sandy beach and the village in the far distance. He leant against the trees firm trunk, sheltered from the rain by the slight shelter that its large leaves provided. A stray raindrop from one of the leaves dripped onto his forehead trailing down his tattoo all the way to his jaw bone, he wiped the water from his face and turned around to see separation of path he had been somewhat following, that he hadn't seen before.

Hesitant at first to leave the shelter of the tree, he braved the rain and walked to get a closer look at the other track, as soon as he neared it he saw that it trailed down the cliff face steeply, curving around at the bottom meeting the sandy beach he and Kathryn had been walking down that day. It was still a fair distance down and surely a dangerous option in dry weather nevertheless wet, but when he thought about Kathryn, she would never choose the easy way out.

He called her name out once more, this time in the direction down the track but heard nothing but the pitter patter of rain landing on his muscular shoulders, and the cool wind blowing every so often.

_This is hopeless, where could she be?_

He tapped his comm badge, "Chakotay to Torres."

"Torres here, Chakotay have you found her?" her voice was cloaked in hope.

"No..." he said defeatedly, his tone solemnly heard over the comm link, B'Elanna looked to Tom with sadness etched in her eyes, not only for the unreported sighting of Janeway but for the way Chakotay sounded.

"We're not having any luck either, we've spoken to a few others, but no one has seen her...Chakotay I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I'm really worried now."

"So am I..." Chakotay admitted.

"The rains not getting any better...maybe we should start heading back to the Village, maybe she's gone back."

"No!" Chakotay's answer was crisp, "There will be crew there, I'm sure they all know by now, if she went back we'd already know."

"Maybe so, but-"

"Just keep looking B'Elanna, she has to be here somewhere, Chakotay out."

He ended the comm hastily, not wanting to hear anymore unoptimistic thoughts about Kathryn. He scanned the area again with his tricorder, looking for lifesigns but finding none, the cliff rocks could easily be falsifying his readings, blocking any lifesigns within close proximity, it was proving to be a fruitless search.

Chakotay had already made it to the end of the cliff, there was nothing beyond him, the only way now was down, the rocky path ahead of him was the last thing he wanted to go down but he had to eliminate any possible routes, anywhere that she may be.

30 minutes of walking slowly down the rocky grit path, clinging to the rock face as a balance, the rain had finally eased up, now falling in a light spray. Chakotay was by now completely soaked, but coldness eluded him. He had far more pressing issues to worry about, it made no difference to him since with every passing minute he still felt an uncontrollable feeling of numbness.

He was nearing the bottom of the track when Chakotay suddenly stopped, seeing a faint blue mass in what appeared to be a large pit at the bottom of the edge of the cliff coming off from the trial, the richness of the bluish color contrasting with the dull earthy tones of the rocks and dirt highlighting the mass from all that surrounded it. Picking up his pace somewhat, he continued down the track to get closer look and all too soon he began to notice that the blue mass began to take form, his eyes widened when he realized that the faint blue mass began to outline a figure of a body, _her body. _

"Kathryn!" Chakotay yelled, now rushing down the path as it spiraled down into the rocky pit bellow, adrenaline now pulsing through his veins.

Kathryn was laying helpless, her lower body pinned under a layer of fallen rocks.

Over the last few hours she had been slipping in and out of consciousness, not knowing how much time had really passed, despondency consuming her. Kathryn thought she could hear the faint sound of Chakotay's voice, but in her present state it could have been the wind or her mind playing tricks on her. But the second time, Kathryn was more than sure that she had heard his strong voice echo out at her, she forced her eyes open this time, and tried to tilt her head up in the direction of the voice but cringed painfully at the pressure and pounding of her head that the sudden movement caused, forcing her to resign in defeat.

"Chakotay?" she croaked weakly.

She could hear the crunching of rocks underneath his feet as he neared her until suddenly there he was.

"Kathryn..." he said softly, falling to his knee's in front of her, pulling long stray strands of hair away from her, checking for her response, and seeing her tiredly pry her eyes open until she met his gentle eyes.

"Chakotay," she whispered once more, this time in relief.

"I'm here, i'm here" he stroked her face gently, seeing the deep gash that she had on the side of her right temple, sticky with blood, and sticking to her hair, his eyes trailed down her frail injured body seeing the cuts and scrapes lining her bare arms, "Kathryn i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry," his sad eyes began to pool with tears,

"I should never have let you go."

She opened her mouth to speak trying to shift position but groaned in pain, as Chakotay saw that her legs were still pinned under a pile of fallen rocks.

"I'm going to get these rocks off you, okay."

She nodded weakly, as he moved to shift the the heavy rocks off her legs and she groaned as the pressure released itself.

She was shivering and her teeth clattered softly, her wet and now dirty dress clung to her body giving her a curvacious appearance, especially as the dress clung tighter to her chest, she had a slim and petite frame, but she was well endowed, he'd give her that.

Chakotay carefully rolled her from her position on her side onto her back and she cried out in pain from her ribs, her arms wrapping protectively around her sides. Chakotay leaned over Kathryn, nearing his face with hers, she was bruised, cut and injured but she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Locking her eyes with him, she suddenly remembered how she had landed herself in this situation in the first place, reminiscing her last encounter with him, the way she had embarrassed herself, when he couldn't return her feelings, she remembered just how deeply she was hurt by his reaction, she turned her head to the side unable to look at him with a straight face anymore as a tear began to escape from the corner of her eye.

As soon as she turned her head, Chakotay caught her chin gently with a large hand, pulling her face back to look at his, recognizing this familiar look of emotional pain that he had seen on her face those few hours ago, he needed to clear things up once and for all, and give her the answer that she had deserved to hear in the first place.

"_I love you_ Kathryn Janeway."

Her eyes filled with pain softened, looking up at the handsome man, she had never seen so much genuine emotion etched in his face and she was certain that she had never seen his deep brown eyes glow so brightly.

"Always have, always will," he beamed down at her, scooping her upper body up carefully around her shoulders so that her face was inches away from his, his face wasn't of sadness anymore he had a smile about him that said more than words could describe, a smile crept on her mouth as she realized that he did love her. Not only that, he had rescued her. Continuing to look into his eyes, Kathryn leant a little further towards him despite the pain in her body until her lips brushed lightly over his and they shared the kiss, they were well overdue to have.

Once they pulled apart, Chakotay looked down at the woman in his arms with such happiness and tapped his comm badge.

"Voyager, medical emergency, two to beam up, directly to sickbay," and with that they dematerialized to the haven of their ship.

* * *

><p>After beaming to sickbay, the Doctor immediately went into action healing Kathryn's injuries, while he did so Chakotay unwillingly left her, by her insistence to tend to his duties, to inform Tuvok and the others and brief the Vulcan about what happened, whilst trying to leave the gist of the personal reason out of it. Chakotay would leave this one for Kathryn, seeing as Tuvok was a dear friend of hers. The Vulcan seemed to understand and did not pry any further.<p>

When Chakotay returned to sickbay he saw Kathryn lying on the biobed in a sickbay gown and a cortical scanner pressed behind her ear, her injuries were gone and she looked to be in a pleasant slumber, understandable after that day's ordeal.

"Well Commander," the Doctor began stepping around the biobed Kathryn lay on, just finishing reading her vitals, "I don't know what to say really," he came up to him at the foot of the bed.

"She's been out in the rain and cold for several hours, a laceration to her head, a serious concussion for the most part, two broken ribs and a broken leg. I've managed to heal everything but she will be a bit tender for the next day or so. I gave her a sedative that should render her asleep until morning. I want to keep her here to monitor her brain, she had a nasty concussion and I don't want to rule out anything at the moment, but if nothing happens overnight then i'll be comfortable releasing her tomorrow, I know the Captain will be eager to get back to work...or after what i've been hearing perhaps not..."

"What have you heard?," Chakotay snapped at him.

"Nothing much, just that the Captain hadn't returned to the ship and there was a little speculation as to whether she had abandoned her duties or not."

"Thats untrue. See to it that you put people straight in future," he responded about to head over to her, but the Doctor placed a hand on his forearm stopping him for a moment.

"With all due respect Commander, I think the Captain can do that after she has rested, as for yourself, I would advise the same thing. Go back to your quarters, she's not going to be awake anytime soon," the Doctor scanned Chakotay's worried face looking back to her, " I won't deactivate myself, i'll be with her all night, I promise."

Eyes fixated on Kathryn, Chakotay looked at her, studying her peaceful face, watching her chest rise and fall, the indicators that told him that she was safe and well, he longed to be beside her and hold her all night and protect her from any form of danger or harm which she may endure but he knew there was little he could do now, so with that Chakotay gave a slow nod.

"Okay, but if there is so much as any problem," he stared into the Doctor's eyes seriously.

"You'll be the first I contact."

Chakotay dropped his head, then looked back to Kathryn and then to the Doctor, "Can I have a moment alone with her first."

"Certainly, I'll be in my office. Goodnight, Commander," and with that the Doctor left him at the foot of the bed as he ventured into his office.

"Goodnight, Doctor."

Walking around the biobed he came closer to her, she looked blissfully peaceful, he ran his fingers gently down her temple and placed a kiss on her forehead, thinking how close he was to losing her that day.

"Goodnight, Kathryn," and with another glance at her, he exited sickbay, to enter his own quarters and crawled into the comfort of his bed, where he fell immediately to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next day,<p>

Chakotay woke up and like an automatic reaction, he reached for his comm badge on his nightstand and contacted the doctor.

"Chakotay to Sickbay."

"I'm afraid you're too late Commander, Captain Janeway already insisted on be released an hour ago, I tried reasoning with her but-"

He sighed, unsurprised by the Doctors news, "Understood...thank Doctor."

Afterwards, Chakotay had a sonic shower, changed into his uniform and headed out of his quarters, smiling somewhat, she was still the same old Kathryn, and if he knew Captain Janeway, he was sure he knew where to find her.

Stepping off the turbolift onto the bridge, the senior staff looked at him with a jubilant look as though they knew exactly who he was looking around to find, and sure enough Chakotay saw Paris cock his head in the direction of Kathryn's ready room, indicating that she was already probably slumming away at work and reports that had remained unfinished.

One person who caught his attention was B'Elanna Torres, who was busily working away at her console, Chakotay sauntered over to her thinking that after yesterday she deserved an apology for snapping at her when she was just trying to help.

"B'Elanna," he said quietly catching her attention as she turned around seeing her longest friend.

"I just wanted to apologize for yesterday."

Her face softened, and she shrugged, "Don't worry about it, I understand."

"You're a good friend B'Elanna, thank you," he smiled at her, putting a large hand on her shoulder.

She nodded as Chakotay looked towards the ready room and moved past him leaning into his shoulder and whispering to him before she walked off.

"Go get her."

He quickly turned around before B'Elanna stepped onto the turbolift giving him a playful wink before she stepped in and the doors hissed shut.

Chakotay's smiled widened and he did just that, walking across the bridge to the Captain's ready room, where he could feel the anticipated stares from the officers on the bridge burning into the back of his head.

* * *

><p>Studying the data on her computer monitor, Kathryn took a sip of Coffee, when she heard the door chime. No surprises in guessing who it was she thought as she placed her coffee down and let her first officer in.<p>

"Come in."

"Chakotay," she said calmly, looking at him with well rested eyes, her heart somewhat fluttering as she took in his tall muscular form.

"Hello, Kathryn, I trust you're better now."

She nodded, "The Doctor gave me the all clear."

"Not without a little persuasion am I right?" he came up to her desk.

She leaned back in her chair looking at him with gentle eyes, "Maybe..."

Chakotay turned from her desk and began to walk towards the windows, looking out towards the stars, "I just can't help but think that, if it weren't for me..." he hung his head looking at the floor.

"Chakotay," Kathryn whispered softly as she stood up.

Talking to his back as she walked up to him, "I've been denying it for so long...it...it wasn't fair to just spring it onto you like that...so if anyone is sorry, it's me."

Chakotay spun around so they now faced each other, "Gods Kathryn, don't say that. You're an amazing woman you know that," he took her hands in his and she raised an eyebrow playfully, surprised a little by his words.

"This won't be easy you know," she looked at him with sad eyes.

Chakotay cupped her chin, "Kathryn, there will be things we agree upon and things that we don't. But as long as we trust and respect another and our decisions whatever they may be, i'm certain that together, we will make a stronger team than we are apart."

She smiled at him, looking into his big bear eyes, "I love you."

"I know, and I love you too.." he dropped his face and laughed inwardly, "You have no idea how long i've waited for you to say that."

"Oh I think I do," she leant forward to kiss his soft lips, her hands coming up to cup the side of his face delicately.

"Tuvok to Janeway," the Vulcan voice broke through her comm badge, breaking the most passionate of moments.

"The warp engines are now online."

She cracked a smile at the interruption, resting her forehead against Chakotay's trying to suppress the laughter that threatened to escape from her mouth.

"On our way," she said calmly, pressing her hand against Chakotays strong chest, he caught it gently and placed a kiss on her palm, smiling at each other once more before turning to walk out of her ready room, face painted with happiness and an equally happy first officer following behind her.

Stepping onto the bridge, Kathryn sat down in her Captains chair while Chakotay took to his to her left.

looking out of the view screen, Kathryn turned her attention to Tom, "Mr Paris, resume course to the Alpha Quadrant, warp 6."

"Aye, aye Captain," Tom entered in the co-ordinates.

With her first officer, best friend and future partner by her side, Kathryn looked to Chakotay beside her and gave him warm smile, feeling optimistic about the futute, wherever their journey may take them, they would face it together.

"Engage."

**THE END**


End file.
